Section One: Transitions
Chapter One – Parenting Your Child From 8-12 Years
During the middle years children begin the long process of metamorphosis toward healthy independence. They move away from childhood structures dependencies and interests. There is a shift from a world centred largely around relationships with mum, dad and siblings to a world in which relationships with peers, friends and real heroes begins to draw their focus. The teen years don’t have to be tumultuous. Understanding the transitions your middle years children are undergoing will help you all get through their adolescence alive sane and closer than ever.
Chapter Two – Where Are We Now?
This chapter is composed of two points; test and explanation. The test is designed to help you see how many of the signs of health your family exhibits. The explanation is to give you an early heads up about some warning flags that can start to wave during the middle years.
Chapter Three – Leading By Influence.
No parenting topic causes greater confusion then the administration of parental authority in child training.
Parental authority is necessary in order to maintain the balance among personal freedom, responsibility and obligation. It represents the right of parents to insist upon conformity and compliance especially in these three vital areas of life; morality, health and safety, and life skills.
Chapter Four – Raising a Responsible Middle Years Child.
When your parenting is over, which would you rather have raised? An obedient child or a responsible child? There is a difference. Though obedience is very important in early child training, it is only a stepping stone to a greater goal – yes even a greater virtue. Obedience versus responsibility what is the difference? Obedience is required conformity. Responsibility is voluntary conformity; obedience is submission to a person. Responsibility is submission to a principle. Are you working to raise a responsible child or are you still making obedience the big issues?
Section II – Moral Maturity
Chapter Five – Moral Maturity; What is it?
Moral training begins with mum and dad. Effective parents know they cannot lead their child any further then they have gone themselves. If the prescription for moral living is not written on the parents hearts, it will never be passed on to their children. A moral life style is not the automatic result of moral knowledge; it’s a separate package entirely. Knowing right from wrong and doing the right thing are different things. Personal integrity remains one of the great credibility builders of parenthood. Hypocrisy, on the other hand destroys credibility every time. Parental hypocrisy occurs when mum and dad exempt themselves from values they require of their children. It’s a breeding ground for contempt.
Chapter Six – Yes, They Still Need Correction
Distinguishing between childishness and defiance: childishness is usually a head problem – lack of knowledge. Defiance is usually a heart problem – the child doesn’t want to do right.
Rebellion uncorrected leads to contempt for authority. If you have a rebellious child in the middle years, work diligently to correct his/her defiance. If you don’t the consequences will show up during the teen years. Do not parent to the lowest common denominator. This attitude is all too common. Instead mum needs to tell the younger child that when they become as responsible as their older brother or sister they too will have those special privileges. Freedoms granted that are greater or lesser than a child’s level of self-control causes developmental frustration.
Chapter Seven – Moral Processing I: The Spirit of the Law
This chapter deals with moral processing. Your middle-years child must step beyond external obedience. To help your child achieve this level of sensitivity you must move him or her
– from outward compliance to the letter of the law.
– to inward understanding of the principle behind the law.
– to a place where he/she can automatically apply the principle to other situations.
Chapter Eight – Moral Processing II: The Appeals Process
We are all willing to submit to authority to the degree that the authority is trustworthy and fair. Being willing to listen to your middle years child’s legitimate appeals, shows you are an authority figure worthy of trust and obedience.
Section III – Family Identity.
Chapter Nine – Building Family Identity
Interdependent vs Independent Family Structure.
The interdependent family cultivates a sense of belonging that leads to allegiance to one another and to the core values of the family. Children grow with an attitude of “we-ism” regarding the family. In contrast, an independent family structure leads to “me-ism”. Each member of the family is free from the influence, guidance or control of another. Individual family members are unaffiliated, alienated or not committed to one another. In short, they stand alone.
Chapter Ten – The Power of Groupthink
There are things you can do to protect your children from negative peer pressure while reinforcing your values. In order for this to happen, you must take advantage of three important resources;
1 The power of family identity
2 The power of community
3 The power of age related wisdom
Chapter Eleven – Tips for Healthy Communication
1. Accentuate the positive
2. Create opportunities to talk and listen
3. Be sensitive to the sorting process
4. Guard your tongue and tone
5. Show your child you know the feeling
Section IV – Fathers and Mothers
Chapter Twelve – A Word to Dad
Do you realise that you are your child’s hero? The impact of a father – that strong protector guarding him since he can remember – cannot be over emphasized. But hero status is a fragile thing. Enough harsh words, enough disinterest, enough promises broken and your child will find other heroes.
Chapters Thirteen and Fourteen – The Sex Talk I and II
Your children can easily get information about sex. What you want to give them is accurate, moral information that is consistent with the kind of home you want. Sex talk is best done father to son and mother to daughter. In some cases this is not possible. If you are a single parent reading this chapter, perhaps you know a loving same-gender relative or family friend who can step in.